Dealing With Divorce Through Humor

Dealing With Divorce Through Humor Divorce is not funny business. Its hard to laugh when two people are fighting over money, property, and kids. However, divorce is  gaining social acceptance in many parts of the world.  Humor helps to alleviate the pain of separation, and sarcasm brings out your witty side. So, if you feel like being nasty, it is better to release your nastiness through sarcastic quotes  than by snapping at your friends and family. If you are going through a difficult divorce, you may want to lighten up. Make room for humor in your heart, however bitter you feel right now.  Find ways to vent your disappointment. Rant  out loud with friends. If you are seething with anger, let off some steam with these funny divorce quotes. A sense of humor may be your best friend during this difficult time. Divorce Quotes Lewis GrizzardInstead of getting married again, Im just going to find a woman I dont like and give her a house. Oscar WildeDivorces are made in heaven. Dave BarryToday, it is easier to get divorced in most states than to get a transmission repaired properly. Garry TrudeauIn Palm Springs, they think homelessness is caused by bad divorce lawyers. John Kenneth GalbraithThe happiest time of anyones life is just after the first divorce. Zsa Zsa GaborHe taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house. Woody AllenThe only time my wife and I had a simultaneous orgasm was when the judge signed the divorce papers. I should have known something was wrong with my first wife. When I brought her home to meet my parents, they approved of her. Mary Kay BlakelyDivorce is the psychological equivalent of a triple coronary bypass. After such a monumental assault on the heart, it takes years to amend all the habits and attitudes that led up to it.   J. B. HandelsmanJust another of our many disagreements. He wants a no-fault divorce, whereas I would prefer to have the bastard crucified. Jimmy FallonA 99-year-old man is filing for divorce from his 96-year-old wife, making them the worlds oldest divorced couple. Its got to be weird when a divorce lawyer is fighting for your kids to get custody of you.A new study found that women gain more weight after marriage, but men gain more weight after a divorce. Yeah, the divorce usually takes place after men point out that women gained more weight after marriage. Groucho MarxMarriage is the chief cause of divorce. Jean KerrBeing divorced is like being hit by a Mack truck.  If you live through it, you start looking very carefully to the right and to the left. Johnny CarsonThe difference between a divorce and a legal separation is that a legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money. Wendy LiebmanMy mother always said dont marry for money, divorce for money. Robin WilliamsAh, yes, divorce... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a mans genitals through his wallet. Helen RowlandLove, the quest; marriage, the conquest; divorce, the inquest. Dave BarryYou should be prepared for anything during divorce proceedings- even the truth. James CaanTo get over my divorce, I got a prescription to live at the Playboy Mansion for a while. Ruth GordonIn our family, we dont divorce our men- we bury them.   Mike TysonYou cant stay married in a situation where you are afraid to go to sleep in case your wife might cut your throat. Bette DavisI’d marry again if I found a man who had $15 million and would sign over half of it to me before the marriage and guarantee he’d be dead in a year. Lenny ClarkeI can’t get divorced because I’m a Catholic. Catholics don’t get divorced. They stay together through anger and hatred and festering misery, just like God intended. Mickey RooneyA lot of people have asked me how short I am. Since my last divorce, I think Im about $100,000 short. Evan EsarSome women get divorces on the grounds of incompatibility; others, on just the first two syllables. Many a woman would get a divorce if she could do it without making her husband happy. Tommy ManvilleShe cried- and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook. Louis C.K.Divorce is always good news. I know that sounds weird, but its true because no good marriage has ever ended in divorce. That would be sad. If two people were married and they just had a great thing and then they got divorced, that would be really sad. But that has happened zero times. Chelsea PerettiMy parents divorced when I was one year old so I don’t really remember any of the details, but luckily, my mom does so she’s been really helpful. John CleeseI got off lightly. Think what I’d have had to pay Alyce if she had contributed anything to the relationship- such as children or a conversation. Russell BrandWhen youre a monk, youre not allowed to have sex with anyone. When youre married, its one person. Thats one more than a monk. Its not that different.

How to Write a Good Philosophy Essay

How to Write a Good Philosophy Essay How to Write a Good Philosophy Essay A powerful philosophy essay begins with choosing a proper topic and general outlining. If you are not limited in the topic selection by your tutor, you are free to choose any topic that is interesting to you. This will allow for deep exploration into the details of the topic as well as viewing the topic from different angles. The main thing with philosophy essay writing is creating the dialectical connection between an argument against an issue and clear evidence for it. Thus, once you are ready with your topic, you may begin searching for a reasonable argument and providing the grounds for it. In addition, composing an outline is helpful at the initial stage of the writing process. An outline will help you trace important aspects about the subject and sift through trivial ones. After composing the outline (or draft) of your philosophy essay, you will need to proceed with the main stage of the writing procedure – filling in the appropriate content. You will need to find the most persuasive and logical reasons to support your argument. A poorly worded argument is no good to your philosophy essay. There is also one thing about the writing process that you need to bear in mind. While presenting the argument, your first task is to avoid coming across as if your point of view was the only one possible. You are to write straightforward and clearly, but do allow your readers to hold their own opinions. The audience is free to accept your position or reject it, once it is expressed in your essay. Philosophy essay writing skills include careful consideration and thorough analysis skills that are to be mastered gradually. The best way to become good at writing excellent philosophy essays is continually practicing. The style and structure of the philosophy essay are also of great importance. Try to use your own style of narration and independent way of thinking, while composing the philosophy essay. This will help you avoid clichà ©s and overused phrases in the essay. A simple and obvious structure will make your essay even more effective. In addition, try reading the completed essay to your parents or friends; they will point out its drawbacks and express their feedback which can be really helpful for you. As soon as the essay writing process is finished, you will need to spend additional time on the paper proofreading and editing. You should do your best to â€Å"polish† the essay and eliminate grammar, punctuation, and style mistakes as well as possible misprints. In this case, your philosophy essay will be academically sound and professional, and this makes a favorable impression on the readers. Do you need Philosophy essay help from professionals? Just try our custom essay writing company now.

Concert review Essay Example | Topics and Well Written Essays - 500 words - 3

Concert review - Essay Example The emperor notes that while the sun is full of majesty and that its rays are all ablaze with ever- living glory he is not intimidated by this for he knows his worth. The emperor further compares himself with the moon which rules the night sky and which by all accounts is not ashamed of its lowly position even given that it only reflects the suns light. By declaring that he knows his worth and that of the moon, the emperor accepts although indirectly that the sun is a greater master. The song paints an ambitious emperor who would like to equal the sun in all its celestial majesty. The Mikado was set in Japan although its target audience was in Europe. At the time, contact between the Japanese and the Europeans had been properly grounded and the Europeans knew a lot about Japanese culture and were eager for more. Being very satirical and targeting British institutions in its satire, the choice of Japanese culture and themes made it easier for the opera to more harshly criticize British institution. As a piece of art however, the Mikado and as an extension The sun, whose rays stands out in many ways no wonder they are loved to this day. The lyrical composition of the song was superb and the theme and setting

Effects of air and water pollution Research Paper

Effects of air and water pollution - Research Paper Example As the world urbanization and industrialization occur at a rapid rate, so does environmental pollution involving air and water quality pollution occur. Large amounts of potentially harmful emissions from industries around the globe find their way in to the atmosphere every single day. Likewise, millions of tonnes of wastewaters containing potentially harmful pollutants find their way into water bodies and underground water aquifers. Several bodies have been initiated with the main aim of conserving environment. Some of these bodies in clued NEMA, Centre for Sustainable Development and others. In their efforts to conserve mainly air and water pollution, they have set by-laws in conjunction with countries’ municipalities to bid those involved (Reitze 13). Despite these continued endeavours, water and air pollutions increases each day. In fact, research shows that as technology changes, the pollution increases consequently increasing the effects (Hill 20). This paper discusses in depth the effects of air and water pollution to people resulting form environmental and technological changes. Poor air quality affects human health, damages crop and animal life, and degrades fragile ecosystems. The severity and impact depends on the quantity and concentration of pollutants, the duration of exposure and the susceptibility of the sensitive receptors. Inevitable is the impact of air pollution on human health. Never the less, equal attention is necessary for all other receptors that include the ecological and the built environments, besides human health. One of the generally recognized effects of air pollution is ill health and death. Although natural processes cause air pollution, manmade causes are the most prevalent and harmful causes (Gillespie 145). Manmade causes of air pollution include power generation activities, industrial production processes and the automobile activities. Tobacco smoking, combustion of solid fuels like wood, coal and charcoal, which house hold commonly use for cooking and warming houses are the leading causes of indoor air quality pollution (Reitze 45). Other sources of indoor air pollutants include paints, cleaning agents, detergents, pesticides, home appliances; furniture and air conditioning systems cause significant chemical and biological indoor air pollution. Combustion of fossil fuels is the leading source of air pollution, since it contains such pollutants like sulphur dioxide, fine particulate matter, nitrogen oxides, carbon monoxide, ozone and volatile organic matter, all of which have profound adverse effects on humans (Chiras 52). Health effects of air pollution range from chronic effects to acute effects. Among these, are minor eye irritations, irritations on the upper respiratory system, chronic respiratory illnesses, lung cancer, heart problems and deaths resulting from suffocation and exposure to noxious gases in the air. Bronchitis in adults and acute respiratory problems resulting to chocking and su ffocation in children are common effects of air pollution (Gillespie 108). For people with pre-existing lung and heart conditions, air pollution is a major cause of worsening conditions. For instance, among the asthmatics, air pollution increases the frequency and severity of attack, and accounts for many deaths among people with heart conditions (Harrop 52). Overall, long-term and short-term exposure to air pollutants lead to reduced life expectancies and premature deaths. The impact of air pollution on humans depends on the concentration of the pollutant, its type, duration and concentration of exposure, and individual vulnerability to lethal exposures. Predisposing factors like poverty, age; both old age and infants, and pre-existing health complications put people in increased danger of poisoning and serious effects of air pollution. For instance, poor urban communities usually reside in poorly ventilated house congested in small slum sharks, and more likely to use dirty fossil and biomass fuels.

Group Counseling †Article Review Essay Example for Free

Group Counseling – Article Review Essay Unlike the first article, this second article talks about group counseling in elementary school focusing on eliminating aggressive behaviors. The purpose of group counseling in this situation is to lessen aggression by influencing the feelings, emotions, judgments, and behaviors of the students in the process. Group counseling is perceived to be significant for the purpose of lessening aggressive behavior because elementary student, in their respective ages, are highly dependent on groups or group structures. Children relate with each other making it much easier to break into the group structure and influence thoughts, feelings, or behavior that would consequently influence else within the group. Eight sessions were held to implement the concepts of group counseling and intervention. At the end of the sessions, the children were required to attend a follow-up meeting four weeks after. The result of the study revealed that learning took place and the children displayed desirable changes in their behavior. What I like most about the article is that it was based on an actual study conducted on elementary students, and that the purpose of the study is to change specific behaviors within the subjects. The objective of the researcher to approach the problem proactively yielded great results as the sessions have revealed that the aggressive behavior of the children were transformed during the group counseling sessions. The article would be a great source of valid and reliable information that could be applied to future situations that requires behavioral intervention. Moreover, the process is solution-based, such that the study focused on a particular problem which is common in the elementary school setting, and conducted research and data gathering which led to a specific resolution that schools would be able to adapt of implement within their school and guidance and counseling system. Another characteristic that is likeable in the article is that it opens opportunities for further studies and other related studies, such as the adaptation of the steps carried out in the study however, differing in the problem, etc. The success of the study would urge other schools and guidance and counseling professionals to conduct other studies that would resolve other issues as well. References Stewart, J. (1996). Group Counseling Elementary School Children Who Use Aggressive Behaviors. Guidance Counseling, 11, 12-15). Retrieved November 12, 2008 from Academic Search Complete via EBSCOHost.

Who is Barbra Jordan? Essay -- essays research papers

Barbara Jordan The book "Barbara Jordan" is about a politician/humanitarian Barbara Jordan. Barbara Charline Jordan was born on Febuary 21,1936. In 1953, Barbara Jordan graduated from Phillis Wheatly High school; from there; she went on to Texas Southern University where she graduated magna cum laude. She then continued her education at Boston University Law School. Afterward she returned to Texas to work for a judge in Harris County. In 1960, she worked for the campaign to nominate John F. Kennedy as the Democratic Party's presidential candidate. In 1962, Ms. Jordan ran for Texas House of Representatives where she lost the election. However, she did not lost her determination and she ran again in 1964 for Texas House where she lost again. Nevertheless, that still did not make her give up hope. In 1966, Barbara Jordan was elected to Texas Senate, becoming the states first black senator since 1883. She authored the state's first successful minimum-wage bill and pushed for civil rights legislation. Ms. Jordan served two terms as a senator. Ms. Jordan then proceeded to set another record becoming the first black woman the head any American State Government as she served as governor for a day. Ms. Jordan then was assigned to the House of Judiciary Committee, where she earned national attention for her articulate speech in favor of impeaching President Richard M. Nixon (196...

Nanak and the rise of Sikhism

Sikhism is a religion that is originated in India, the origins for this religion come from the teaching of Guru Nanak poet and religious teacher and his successors . The teachings of Sikhism emphasize on the principle of equality of all humans and rejects discrimination from caste, creed, and gender . Another important concept from the Sikhism religion are faith and justice . Sikhism is a monotheist religion , which is that they believe in only one god. The Sikhism traditions and teaching come from the history , society and culture of the Punjab. This monotheist religion was founded in the fifteenth century in the Punjab nation . It is the fifth largest organized religion in the world and the fastest growing . Followers of the religion are known as Sikhs and number over 26 million across the world . The vast majority of this followers live in the northwest India, in the Punjab region and in Demi. Sikhism comes from the root of two religion , which are Hinduism and Muslim. Nanak teaching are what brought these two religions to form together into Sikhism , which was the most significant attribute of Sikhism that attracted my attention the most , the teaching of Nanak and how it formed a new religion . Before Nanak , there was Kabir who was born Muslim , Kabir started combining Hindu bhakti with Muslim sufi mysticism and taught the path of love of god . Kabir traveled his message across the north Indian plain , we he collected followers . The most significant being Nanak . Unlike Kabir , Nanak was born into Hindu parents in 1949 , in the Punjab nation. Nanak was born into a a family of business men and followed along with his families path and also became a business man and married and had to kids during his earlier life . Nanak was so influenced by Kabir and driven by his spiritual quest of god that he left his family to spread his beliefs like Kabir. Nanak was what brought the religion of Sikhism to life his teaching and beliefs really moved people , which what spoke out to me the most of how a man can develop a new religion form his beliefs and his teaching. The turning point in Nanak’s life was when he was around thirty and he was bathing in the river where he disappeared into the water , while everyone was thinking he had drowned . When he disappeared he spoke to god , in where god challenged him to remain unpolluted by the world and to practice charity , ritual bathing , service , and meditation . After Nanak had gone through this and appeared again he mumbled his message â€Å"There is no Hindu ; There is no Muslim â€Å" , which were a significant part of the journey of Sikhism. After this religious encounter , Nanak had with got his teaching from Sikhism expanded and got more intense . Nanak wandered through the Punjab region , teaching his message to anybody that would listen , he combined both Hindu and Muslim into one each bringing their own unique attributes to Sikhism . One of the most significant words that came from this religion where â€Å" Realization of the truth is higher than all else, Higher still is truthful living â€Å" , this words come from Nanak teaching and philosophy. Sikhism is one of the worlds most growing religion with more than 26 million followers around the world , all result of one man and his teaching and experiences and the combination of two religions . Sikhism is such a strong religion that has held itself as one of the fifth largest religions worldwide and will continue to do so , which makes it fascination on how the teaching of two religions brought a whole other religion form teachings that has its own set of values and views.

Perfect competition V. Monopolies Essay

In the American Economy, business is controlled by the government and the consumer. When a person is the owner of a business that is alone in its product that it provides for the consumer, it is said to be a monopoly. As a monopoly you have sole control over price. Monopolies are regulated by the government in order to prevent the misuse of power that a monopoly has. If a person can only get turkey, for example from one store. Then the store can charge a lot more for that turkey than it could if the store next door was selling it too because then there would be competition. Also, the store would not have to produce a better quality of turkey because there would be no reason for it to do so. In this situation the consumer is taken unfair advantage of by the business owner, in this case the store. Government regulates monopolies to promote a perfect competition economy and to get rid of the â€Å"turkey situation† discussed above. The benefits of a perfect competition economy benefit consumers. For example, if we go back to the store, in a perfect competition economy all of the stores have turkey. Now the stores want to make sure that the turkey that they sell is the best turkey and cost the least. In this situation they are competing for the consumer’s business. However, business owners of a monopoly situation disagree with the government. When there is a business that has the potential to become a monopoly the government watches it very closely and the business has to go through the government for mergers and such. The more the business becomes a monopoly, the more the government says no to the business’s requests. For example, there is Microsoft. The government has been working to keep Microsoft from being the big business that it is today. So, in conclusion, a perfect competition economy makes benefits for the consumer. Likewise, a monopolistic economy makes benefits for the business owner. On the flip side, a perfect competition shows drawbacks for the business owner and a monopolistic economy shows drawbacks for the consumer. The best way to run an economy is to have a balance between the two options. America’s economy does this.

The Red Apple Country that Changed Gertrude Simmons Bonnin Essays

The Red Apple Country that Changed Gertrude Simmons Bonnin Essays The Red Apple Country that Changed Gertrude Simmons Bonnin Paper The Red Apple Country that Changed Gertrude Simmons Bonnin Paper Gertrude Simmons Bonnin or Zitkala-Sa (known in Dakota’s village as Red Bird) is one of the most talented and highly educated Native American woman. She struggled and fought for the Native American culture during the time of severe oppression prevailed among them by the Euro-American civilians. Her contributions especially in literature, music, and politics changed the insights and beliefs upon their title of sinful savages and to which she strongly challenged this white mans boastful claim of having the best culture. The aim of her works was to understand the white dominant culture from Native America, and her Impressions of an Indian Childhood, The School Days of an Indian Girl, and An Indian Teacher Among Indians is an example of some of the insights of the existing differences(Bonnin). Her objective was to criticize impelled doctrines and dedicated her life to scrap cruelty as what described into her essay. Her work is basically based from her own personal encounter and experiences which would be well understand by merely reading the three essays because each are connected and complement to one another. Her essay which is a question among the conservative administrators at Carlisle provokes bewilderment. Zitkala-Sa portrayed the negative effects of boarding schools to children of Native American. Aside from the pains from the â€Å"iron routine† in the school and the difficulty to adopt and learn to the English language, the separation from her mother for four years is a tough task to adjust with(Giese). The change in the environment is the focus of the story to which several questions arises from the new world making her self totally uncomfortable and not at ease to stay and play with. The author is trying to show her disagreement to the boarding school approach upon their teaching in homemaking and agriculture. Religion on Christianity was forced and so far, they are leading them to the Indian culture and language eradication. She visions for a higher learning and privilege for academic subjects where in Indians could be capable on it and not just limited to vocational training(Kroeber). As an added catch of the purpose of the story, she burly disapproves the military discipline and the manual labor program imposed. To my own perspective , the day she started school is also the start of the change of her life to which she took it for granted ( because of the Red Apple Country), for at a younger age her destiny begins even though still unconscious of it. Schooling means to the Euro-American is civilization and survival, so that’s what she grabbed because the sooner or later if no one among them will be intelligent enough to analyze the minds of this Euro-American, they will be just a subordinate to them, making them aliens or worst slaves of their own region(Minnesota). From the words of the author she mentioned that, â€Å"I give outright the varying moods of my own evolution, those growing pains which knew not reason while active, to stir up views and earnest comparisons of theories was one of the ways in which I hoped it would work a benefit to my people, no one can dispute my own impressions and bitterness and perhaps a reason may be assigned to† (Minnesota). So, she then clearly emphasized the bitterness and hatred of the Euro-American cultures in condemning their rights specially those days at school that is vastly different from the world they are supposed to be wandering, also a different views that compel to them for not being treated as equally to the kids of the new community they went for.

Gaius Mucius Scaevola

Gaius Mucius Scaevola Gaius Mucius Scaevola is a legendary Roman hero and assassin, who is said to have saved Rome from conquest by the Etruscan king  Lars Porsena. Gaius Mucius earned the name ‘Scaevola’ when he lost his right hand to Lars Porsenas fire in a show of intimidating will power. He is said to have burned his own hand off in the fire to demonstrate his bravery. Since Gaius Mucius effectively lost his right hand to the fire, he became known as Scaevola, which means left-handed. Attempted Assassination of Lars Porsena Gaius Mucius Scaevola is said to have saved Rome from Lars Porsena, who was the Etruscan King. In about the 6th century B.C., the Etruscans, who were led by King Lars Porsena, were on a conquest and were trying to take Rome. Gaius Mucius supposedly volunteered to assassinate Porsena. However, before he was able to successfully complete his task he was captured and brought before the King. Gaius Mucius informed the king that although he might be executed, there were plenty of other Romans behind him who would try, and eventually succeed, in the assassination attempt. This angered Lars Porsena as he feared another attempt on his life, and thus he threatened to burn Gaius Mucius alive. In response to Porsena’s threat, Gaius Mucius stuck his hand directly in the burning fire to demonstrate that he did not fear it. This showing of bravery so impressed the King Porsena that he did not kill Gaius Mucius. Instead, he sent him back and made peace with Rome. When Gaius Mucius returned to Rome he was viewed as a hero, and was given the name Scaevola, as a result of his lost hand. He then became commonly known as Gaius Mucius Scaevola. Gaius Mucius Scaevola’s tale is described in the Encyclopedia Britannica: â€Å"Gaius Mucius Scaevola is a legendary Roman hero who is said to have saved Rome (c. 509 bc) from conquest by the Etruscan king Lars Porsena. According to the legend, Mucius volunteered to assassinate Porsena, who was besieging Rome, but killed his victim’s attendant by mistake. Brought before the Etruscan royal tribunal, he declared that he was one of 300 noble youths who had sworn to take the king’s life. He demonstrated his courage to his captors by thrusting his right hand into a blazing altar fire and holding it there until it was consumed. Deeply impressed and fearing another attempt on his life, Porsena ordered Mucius to be freed; he made peace with the Romans and withdrew his forces. According to the story, Mucius was rewarded with a grant of land beyond the Tiber and given the name Scaevola, meaning â€Å"left-handed.† The tale is presumably an attempt to explain the origin of Rome’s famed Scaevola family.†

Drugs Research Paper Example | Topics and Well Written Essays - 1500 words - 1

Drugs - Research Paper Example Legislation was then passed and the creation of the FDA was created in order to oversee and regulate these drugs (Lowinson, Ruiz, Millman, & Langrod, 2005). One of the biggest debates in the United States regarding a specific kind of drug has been whether it should be deemed legalized or whether it should remain illegal. This drug, Cannabis, has sparked such a controversy that many people are ambivalent about whether it should be legalized or not. In order to make an informed decision as far as whether Marijuana should be legalized or not, there are some key notes and facts that must be noted about the drug. Marijuana is a drug which originates from the Cannabis plant. This is the first argument regarding the legalization of the drug is that it occurs in nature without human intervention or alteration. Marijuana originally is from Central and South Asia (ElSohly, 2007). Through trading and the expansion of humanity across the world, it was only a fact that the use of the drug would spread through trade. Its psychoactive properties are what made it such a valuable plant in that it was used in many rituals which involved the transcendence of the soul and allowed communication with other states of being (Booth, 2003). In the United States, the largest uses of marijuana have been from the so called â€Å"Hippie era† to even now. The use of marijuana was criminalized in the 1900s, but has recently leaded to some states wanting to make an exception for the use of marijuana for only medicinal purposes. Most notably, this controversy over some states making the use of marijuana for medic al purposes has lead to the issue of an old problem which plagued America even at the founding, the issue of the right’s of the states versus the power of the federal system. This was seen when California legalized marijuana for medicinal purposes and the federal government stepped in to